kaleidoscoping chaos...: July 2016

Another six months have come and gone. It is July 1. The Friday before the holiday weekend. Summer is dripping and melting all around us and all over us. Summer is just begging to be licked, slurped and devoured by our tongues and lips – old and young. Summer is here.

Where am I? Where is my family?

We are here, too. Same house. Same jobs. Kids are at the same camp this year as last.

Life is moving forward. Throwing us new challenges, obstacles, accomplishments and moments.

I am still blessed and grateful. My family best be just as grateful (we are working on this).

Cheetahs

And the world, it is spinning faster and faster. Current events snow ball from one to another in this seven day a week, 24 hours a day, news cycle. The Internet is always on, streaming everything in real time into the palms of our hands onto our smart phones via social media, twitter and smart apps.

We learn about everything in this way. We get the information fast, cheetah-fast. Whether it is the satellite/doplar data of latest adverse weather developments or the photos of our best friend’s kid’s graduation; the minute by minute primary election results or the announcement of a death of an old colleague; a US Supreme Court decision or the body count from the latest mass shooting – this is the new reality. A virtual online reality that is real and fast, like a cheetah…

And at the same time, there is so much fast anger and hate around us. Politicians and people alike are resorting to violence and hate, in a way that I have not seen or experienced before. We know it has happened throughout history and time, but today, now, in my lifetime, this seems different. Palatable in a way that is so real and so fast, it hurts to think about it, to hear about it, to see it, day in and day out.

Sexism. Racism. Homphobia. Xenophobia.Anti-Semitism. Hate. It is all so fast. Spewed by people like Trump and many others, it creates an atmosphere that is scary and unsafe.

A year ago, I wrote in this space about #LivingTheDream. It was a bittersweet post celebrating the marriage equality decision but also grieving over the then recent shootings at the South Carolina AME Church killing 9 people. Since then, just one year ago, gun violence continues and escalates. Hate continues and escalates. Such deaths happen fast. Often premeditated and borne of ignorance, mental illness, neglect, despair, and hate. Recently it has almost been too fast and too much to take…

Pride weekend in Washington DC was also Jonah’s birthday weekend. We have not usually gone to the Pride parade because it is often on Jonah’s actual birthday and he is a bit annoyed/irritated he has two moms (we are working on this and he is evolving – it is more about the fact he is the only boy in our family, but he now realizes that is not because he has two moms, as President Obama is also the only boy in his family…). I didn’t want to make his birthday about Jocelyn and me and the fact he has two moms, so we haven’t done the parade. This year I decided to ask him about going. Rainbow Families hosted this great family friendly event at our old favorite playground and spray park that is on the parade route. I asked the kids and they were totally into it. We also talked all about gay people and families, respecting each other, and rainbows – then we packed up with our rainbow gear and headed to the parade. It was super-hot. The kids had the Best.Time.Ever. (beads, treats, music, friends, dancing and lots of rainbows) Jocelyn and I even remarked that the parade is so corporate now, all the big companies have floats. The floats are not risqué anymore. It is very family-friendly, and whereas there was a time the parade was counter-cultural and a protest, today it is a celebration and maybe even a bit anachronistic… But for our little family, it was a magical parade. We returned home exhausted and went to sleep.

Sunday morning, we awoke to fast smack in the face of information and death. In Orlando, at a gay club, on Latino night, there was yet another mass shooting. Information was fast and furiously buzzing on our smart phones. In the end, it turns out there was one gunman with an automatic assault rifle. The gunman was Muslim. The information about the tragedy included buzzwords like terrorism, hate crimes, and radical Islam. Rather than focus on the theories of why the gunman killed with an automatic assault weapon, I want to say that it is unthinkable that 49 people were victims of such a senseless act. An act that most likely happened because of many reasons, including (but definitely not limited to)

· this country’s inability to pass common sense gun laws including banning automatic assault rifles;

· an atmosphere of hate that is being fostered by our politicians and leaders against immigrants specifically Muslims and Latinos;

· fundamental religion’s intolerance of other ideas and ways of being, especially gay people;

· our country’s lack of mental health resources and a continued stigma on mental disease

I am terrified by all this. By how fast tragedy hits – out of nowhere. On that Sunday, for the first time, I told my kids about a tragedy like this. I hadn’t told them about Sandy Hook (2012) and last year I never got around to talking to them about the shooting at the black churches (2015). But this time, it was so fast; I did not have a choice. Jonah read it on my phone. This is the world we live in.

So we talked about it and then we went on with our Sunday. I am dedicated to making a big difference in the world we live in, but that is very hard. It involves incremental change. I remain steadfast in my commitment to doing it, yet it will take time. – and not be fast, like a cheetah.

We can, however, make direct, impactful, and meaningful change in our own family–or at least we can try. We all struggle with the ease and quickness at which we become angry, and yes, even violent. I know I do. And Jocelyn does as well. We see how our kids struggle with it. Everything is quick and instantly gratifying in a way that is almost unbelievable. Computers are fast. Internet connections are fast. Video games are fast. TV is fast. Music is fast. Food is fast. Life is just fast, all the time. We figured we all needed to all work on slowly down a bit, and we committed to do so.

Turtles

As with many things in life, at different times, sometimes we need help, advice, and counsel. Sometimes we need medicine and operations. Sometimes we need to practice and train to get something right. But we can never do it alone. Like I have said in this space many times before, it takes a village. So we consulted of “village” of experts and the universe sent us the Turtle.

We are working on something right now as family to make us all better – at everything really. We working on acknowledging that in life we often move in two ways. Fast like a Cheetah and then sometimes slow, stopped, or paused, like Turtle.

Sometimes you need to move fast like a Cheetah. When you are in a race – run fast like a Cheetah. When your house is on fire, get out of the house, do not stop, do not look for anyone or take anything, just get out, fast like a Cheetah. We need Cheetahs. Cheetahs are awesome, amazing and beautiful creatures. We need to be fast sometimes.

But other times, we need to stop and take a moment and be like a Turtle. Not even slow, but paused. Like a Turtle who goes into her shell to take a moment and figure out the best next step. A moment to stop our often not well thought out instinctual response. We need to break the hardwired response – often fueled by passion, and hate and physical out bursts, with a moment inside our shell – inside our head. To stop, think and regroup and yes, breathe! This is our new project. This is extremely hard for all of us, whether we are 45, 42, 7 or 5. It is really hard work.

What I wish I could do is sit the whole world down and tell them about pausing like the Turtle. I want to tell world leaders, the UK voters, religious icons, school teachers, sports stars, CEOs, Oprah, Hillary, Madonna, everyone. I want to require an international world pact about trying to be more turtle-like when we are fueled by emotion and passion. I am not saying we need to be slow in general, or all the time, just pause when things are bubbling over like a shaken bottle of champagne.

I do see glimmers of this Turtle Movement. I do think some people get it–despite being faced with all of this fast hate and violence. I saw it when Chris Murphy stopped the Senate for over 14 hours with his filibuster in order to bring a vote on certain gun laws. We saw it days later when Representative John Lewis led a sit-in (they looked like turtles sitting on floor) literally on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives for over 24 hours to force a vote on guns laws. And when Hillary Clinton gave her speech claiming to be the presumptive Democratic nominee, she spoke with such grace and elegance about love and kindness. She spoke in a way that communicated to us the value of hitting the pause button and being in the moment. To be in the moment the first time a women would be a major political party’s nominee for President. Glimpses of moments. They are around. But way too often they are overshadowed by angry tweets, violent acts, bad decisions made quickly without the right information or foresight and often regretted the next day (e.g. the recent Stanford rape case and BREXIT vote). We need more moments for the Turtles.

On a lighter note, it is no surprise to me that the Turtle is so profound. I have been a big fan for a long time…

I remember vividly when I first fell in love with the Turtle, it was in Judy Blume’s book, Tale of A Fourth Grade Nothing. The character Peter has pet a turtle name Dribble. Peter’s little brother, Fudge, eats Dribble. Peter’s parents buy him a dog and he names it Turtle. I was hooked on Judy Blume books and turtles.

· Fast forward many many years later (January 2003) and my best buddy, Christine, and I traveled to Brasil on a fantastic vacation. During that trip, we adventured to Praia Du Forte’s Projecto Tamar in Salvadaor, Bahia to see the sea turtles. The experience was life changing and unbelievable beyond all expectations. In the dark of night, we went with a small group of scientists and tourists and we saw a mama Tortuga lay her eggs on the beach and then a bit later, we saw another nest of baby sea turtles hatch and scamper into the see. The main objective of Projecto Tamar is to protect sea turtles from extinction in the Brazilian coastline. Here is the thing about these turtles: the Mama Tortuga returns to the same exact beach where she was born during the dark of night. She digs a very deep hole in the sand and lays about a whole bunch of eggs, then she covers up the hole and heads back to the sea. After a few weeks, the eggs hatch again in the dark of night and the little turtles all head in the right direction toward the sea. They will not return to that beach unless they are female turtles and lay their eggs. WOW. Talk about being like a turtle. There is so much there. Remembering, Pausing, Being, Trusting, Living, Adventuring, - but nothing about being fast, hateful or violent. I leave it to all of you to figure out what speaks to you.

· And then there was this weird thing when Jocelyn and I got together, she loved frogs and I loved turtles. While we were courting each other she would get me little turtles and I would get her little frogs. It is funny if you know us because in a way I am much more frog like – jumping from one thing to another, always doing and going. Jocelyn is more turtle like, slower, sleepier, a thinker. This was a funny, silly, quirky thing of new found couplehood and love – wrapped up in a goofy nerdy romance and included a turtle.

So now I am back, this time married almost 10 years with two kids, trying to change myself, our family, and the world, one turtle moment at a time… I beg you all to come along for the ride and help.

My Name Is…

Before I end this post, I cannot do so without a shot out to the rage that is Alexander Hamilton (although I do not think he was very turtle-like – hence the dying in a duel way too early). Creating space for turtle moments when we are happy, sad, mad, overwhelmed, and anxious, does not mean not living life to fullest and being creative. And as you know I am committed to doing that as well. These past six months did not disappoint. So in the vane of going into my turtle shell, taking a moment, and a pause, I give you a very long list of highlights from our last 6 months that have been lived while listening to the Hamilton soundtrack and refusing “to give away our shot” at happiness and love:

· Visiting Nana & Pop in Florida over Martin Luther King Jr, Weekend

· Enjoying the first Big Snow of 2016!

· Celebrating Tu B’Shevat – Happy Birthday to the Trees

· Playing lots of new games – Connect 4, Twister, Checkers, The Fox Game, Pie Face, Uno, and more!

· Dancing our way through Hamilton and every Top 40 song on the radio on our “stage” – (the living room rug)

· Celebrating and dancing at a Rainbow Families Valentine’s Day Family Dance

· Visiting the Wonder exhibit at the Renwick Gallery on a cold day

· Celebrating Presidents’ Day and playing at the Magic playground with our buddies

· Arranging elaborate tea parties

· Field tripping at school to the Apple Store (Jonah), the Building Museum (Vera), the Wonder exhibit (Jonah), Reptile show (Vera) and the Zoo (Jonah and Vera)

· Getting amazing report cards for the 3th and 4th quarters!

· Celebrating Dr. Seuss’ Birthday

· Celebrating our 9^th Wedding Anniversary Shabbot by painting ceramic sculptures (ceramics are the traditional 9^th year gift)

· Losing more teeth!

· Studying about Black History Month. Jonah did a specific project on Muhammad Ali.

· Two belt tests: Jonah went from Little Ninja Purple to Red, and then Little Ninja Red to Brown. Vera went from Tiny Tiger Red to Little Ninja Gold, and Little Ninja Gold to Little Ninja Yellow.

· Celebrating Vera’s 5^th and Mama’s 42^nd Fancy Dress Up Tea Party with our amazing family and friends!

· Celebrating St. Patrick’s day with lots of Green.

· Getting ready for Purim and celebrating it! We had a Baseball Theme that was full of political references!

· Nana visiting Jonah's and Vera's classrooms.

Vera’s Conversion: On the day after Purim, Vera had her conversion with three rabbis and one was named – Esther! We celebrated with froyo and Vera received a silver Jewish Star. It was a good day.