Recap and WTF…
This is not the blog post I wanted to write. It is not the blog post I thought I would be
writing. It is not on time. It is not
flowing from my heart and soul in a cathartic rush of a song that leaves me inspired and
hopeful. Rather it has taken me hours, days, weeks, and months, to bring myself
to face the blank page where this blog post was to be written. And as I do, my stomach is in knots and I can
barely breathe. Somehow writing it down
as a blog post cements this reality into my life in a way that nothing else
has. This is reality. This is life now. This is what will be remembered. And no, I
cannot just get over it.
I had been so scared. So anxious.
For months, weeks, days, hours and then minutes. My stomach hurt, then too. But life kept going on. I was still tired (yes exhausted, still),
still embracing and loving my small piece of life and those in it. Hoping, praying and willing positive energy
into the world with every selfie, baseball practice, piano lesson, Trader Joes
frozen pasta dinner, work conference call, board meeting, and shabbot dinner –
I willed life - positive, good, life into my world. My Black Lives Matter sign, next to my
Hillary sign, next to my American flag, next to my rainbow flag in front of my
over 100 years old house with a mezuzzah on its door – but it was not
enough.
In the end, I learned quickly, none of it was enough. I wasn’t crazy to be scared. I wasn’t paranoid in my fear. My anxiety was warranted.
Last time we spoke, it was July 1st, right before the
holiday weekend and we were about to usher in Independence Day 2016. How ironic that in a mere 17 days from today, the
United States will inaugurate its 45th President. A man that tweets often and
incoherently. A man who used to be a
regular contributor to the Whack Pack on the Howard Stern show. He will be POTUS. This is our new reality. Six
months have passed swiftly and the world has really changed this time. Or rather my perception of this world has
changed. And my belief in how much goodness is actually in the world has
changed as well. It remains exhausting and somewhat depressing.
I Always Said, Just Wait Six Months and Everything Will Change…
Since I started working as a lawyer, I have this little saying I
have coined for myself and often given to others when they needed it most. It has been especially applicable at work –
but also in life. I always tell people
when they feel like their job is absolutely horrible and there is no way out –
just give yourself six months – wait six months and things will be
different. Almost always, they are and
people move on. Either it has gotten
better or worse but either way, it has made the decision as what to do next
easier. What has happened these past six
months, seems particularly of interest right now.
By mid-summer, the national primaries came to an end. To my great delight and satisfaction, Hillary
Clinton was nominated the first woman candidate for President of the United
States of a major political party (Democrat).
And to most people’s shock, Donald Trump was nominated as the Republican
candidate. I was not shocked but
scared.
Meanwhile, my little crew went about living life. The kids were day camping the days away. We
took a road trip with our cousins to Dutch Wonderland. Celebrated July 4th
with a little group of friends in our backyard.
Jonah did his first camp sleepover and Vera slept over at a camp
friend’s house. They were in the camp shows. We did our annual family pool
playdate in the Maryland suburbs. The
kids went to Yoga Camp together. Vera went to the salon to get her hair
braided. Jonah and Vera took their first solo plane ride to Nana Camp for the
week! Jocelyn and I and some friends visited Icebergs without the kids. Lots of
summer fun in our backyard. Pool
playdate in Virginia. A week of baseball camp and gymnastic camp! And then much
like the Democrats and Hillary, we ended our summer on an absolute high note of
inspiration, light and the belief that we can and will all do this and the
world will be better for it. We took a
road trip to Rehoboth Beach, DE to hang with family and then friends and then drove
to the wonderful Poconos for 5 days at Camp JRF Family Camp. We were ready for fall, a new school year,
the election, and a Jewish New Year.
In politics, the weird just got weirder. Comey had his first press
conference in July. Trump was still tweeting. Everyone was obsessed with Hillary’s emails,
despite her concrete plans on how to actually get something done for all of
America (health care, economics, the environment, security, gun violence, race
issues, women’s issues, LGBTQ issues, refugees, human rights, disability issues etc.). There was the video tape about grabbing
stuff. But still it was, you know, those
damn emails. And the leaks of other
emails that had been hacked – the DNC and John Podesta’s emails. And Trump inciting violence, the second
amendment people and even asking for more hacking in a press conference… The
Press was smitten and it was reality TV gone wild. I became increasingly more scared, worried,
and nervous. There were three
unbelievable debates. In each one,
Hillary did exactly what she had to do.
And she did it as Fred Astaire proclaimed (and later President Obama would
remark), “Backwards and in high heels.”
And then Comey did his interference with days left. It was almost time
for America to choose its path. At some
point, there is nothing left to do. It
is all left on the dance floor.
But yes, our little lives went on. School started. The kids
started taking piano lessons at the local nonprofit family owned music studio
(courtesy of nana and pop). Labor Day guests arrived and adventures were had. Karate
rebooted. Vera began gymnastics. Torah school started with all its challenges. The Jewish New Year, my mom’s 70th birthday extravaganza, Yom Kippur and
a full week of sukkot festivities ending with Simchat Torah came and went! Jonah’s
baseball season started. I rallied my troops for another road trip to NY for
the 2nd Annual SToPP5K run/walk and hanging with our favorite
redheads. The school fall festival. I
went to Orlando for a work conference. And then it was Halloween?!?! With a party at Jocelyn’s office and the
regular Halloween festivities on Conn Ave.
And then on November 2, 2016, I turned 46. Finally, we went as a family,
and we all voted early, for Hillary!
In the midst of all of this, I gathered my little crew and we
became passionate about the election and what was at stake. Jonah even watched a tiny bit of one
debate. But really, I could not let the
kids watch the debates because they were weirdly R rated… But Jonah and Vera did begin what I hope is a
long road of political activism and involvement. They learned about the issues. And studied
the facts. And then we took that
learning on the road. We went canvassing
in Virginia with friends (multiple times).
Door to door. Walking the
precincts. The kids were inspiring and
inspired. I let myself believe that yes,
this could happen. My kids who have only
known the first black Prescient of the United States (in all his grace and
fantasticness) could be a part of the next amazing thing, electing Hillary as
the first women President – one who would be the most competent, prepared and
amazing President this country has ever seen.
Then almost fittingly, we ended the election season together as a
family in Annapolis. The kids ran the
Shark Sprint at the Naval Academy and they were terrific. Grandma swooped in and took them home. Jocelyn and I stayed over and met some local
and out-of-town friends and ran the Across the Bay 10K over the Bay Bridge the
weekend right before election day. I
proudly wore my “Bridges not Walls” Hillary shirt during the run. People would run up next to me and cheer or
thank me or just talk to me – willing her to win, asking me desperately, she’s
got this right? All I would say, go
vote, and get your friends to vote – we need every single person to do
this! And then they would run by… I was
scared. They were scared… We were not
sure.
And the Winner Is…
I took election day off and
a colleague and I went to York, PA to GOTV. That is where the campaign said
they needed us. Most of my friends were
doing something that day. Jocelyn went
and did poll monitoring in Manassas, VA.
We woke up early that Tuesday morning. I “pantsuited up” and put on CNN
to watch the election day coverage.
First time my kids had really seen CNN and the commercials. Within 5 minutes, they were like what is
going on – Trump makes fun of disabled people and he says the F
curse?!?!?!?! He isn’t going to win is
he???? I told them I hoped not, but that
mommy and mama were going to spend the day helping to get Hillary elected. I gave them each a Hillary sticker and sent
them to school.
I drove with my friend about two hours to York. We were assigned a rural precinct. I have done
GOTV for years. I have never done a
rural precinct. It is scary. We covered a lot of ground but it was worrisome.
We were in Trump country. We were both quiet for most of the day. We were scared. We did another packet at the
end of the day in a suburb division. We
spoke to a few Hillary voters who just couldn’t get to vote because of the
crazy long lines at their small polling place.
We gathered all the info: a young couple with small children, a 85 year
old single woman who could not stand so long – she had gone 3 times already,
and we went back to HQ to make sure they helped get Hillary’s voters to
vote. HQ rallied with chairs, water,
food, and babysitters to help supporters. We felt we made a tiny bit of a
difference and we drove home in the dark.
We were still scared and didn’t say much.
When I got home the kids were jumping around excited. I told them they could sleep upstairs in my
room and watch until they fell asleep.
Jocelyn was not back yet. She
arrived back a bit later and was exhausted and went right into Jonah’s bed to
take a nap and told me to get her later.
I went back to my bed and watched it all. I couldn’t go to sleep. I remembered how 16
years earlier in 2000, when I was at the Mayflower hotel at a huge election
night party and I refused to leave until 6am.
I could not believe Gore was not going to win. This time it was familiar
the feeling of loss and heartbreak. But
this time, it was not shocking. This was
what I had been so afraid of. I
cried. In the dim light of TV in my face
at about 3am when they officially called it for Trump, I cried. All I could think was how can I tell the
kids. What will I tell the kids. How can this actually be happening.
And then at some point Trump gave his victory speech. It was the best speech he has given during the campaign. He said all the right things. He spoke about Hillary in the right way. And he said he would be the President for all of us. I sighed. I would watch this 15 minute speech with the kids when they woke up. I went to talk to Jocelyn and we both agreed it was a good plan.
The kids woke up excited and bursting. I told them the news. They then actually burst – into tears. I hugged them and we talked about how this is
a democracy and votes matter and that everything was going to be ok. And then we watched the speech. They had a million questions and I tried to
answer them. I assured them that Mama
and I would make sure they were ok no matter what. We talked about helping others more now in
case some people don’t have health care, houses, jobs, etc. We agreed we would and could do that. I also
assured them that President Obama did not have to move out that day. And then we all got dressed and went about
our day.
Jonah told me at school they all wrote in their feelings journal
that day. He told me he wrote that he
was sad, frustrated and really really mad and almost wanted to hit something so
hard but didn’t. He said he wrote that
he really wanted Hillary even though she is a girl because she is not a bully. My heart hurt more.
What do we do now?
And life goes on. Living in
Washington DC, everyone is always talking about politics. For goodness sake, my job now has an end date
of October 2017 as a result of the election because the Republicans will take
the spot. Political discourse and
consequences in my town are expected and common. But what also began happening were the scary
incidents of hate crimes. Swastikas in
local elementary schools and middle schools.
Racial slurs graffiti-ed on signs at local churches. Maggiano’s hosted avowed white supremacists/neonazis. And then PizzaGate?!?!?! Our local,
fun, and awesome pizza parlor with ping pong tables was targeted by fake news…
But in the midst of all of this craziness, our lives went on.
Jonah’s baseball season ended and we had a party at the PizzaGate pizza place –
Comet. Jonah did a school presentation on Derek Jeter. The first quarter at school ended. Vera wrote
a book, Jonah won some awards. Thanksgiving in Baltimore came and went. Another
karate belt test. Doing science experiments and playing board games is in our
rotation of things to do. Oh and a guy
walked into our pizza joint with a loaded gun and it went off?!?!?!
Hillary sightings, often in the wild – are a thing now. Much like how the kids and I played PokemonGo
over the summer – always searching for the ever-allusive Pikachu.
There is a new normal now.
A “she got three million more votes but lost the electoral college”
normal. He is picking a parade of people
to be part of the new government who stand for policies and principles that
negate “my being, my family’s right to exist and our rights” kind of normal.
#BeVigilant
As the year came barreling to a close, I realized that the path
forward is not easy but is also not unbelievably new. It is daunting but not impossible. The issue is not one man named Trump. It is the symbolism of him and the reason he
won. I am not an expert in politics by
profession or hobby. I am a student of
politics, have my undergraduate degree in it, read much about it, have been
involved in elections since high school when I made phone calls for the Suffolk
Country Executive, live in Washington DC surrounded by this stuff all the time. Everyone has theories as to what happened
this election. I have mine. Hillary Clinton lost because
- She is a woman who ran as a Democrat.
- President Obama is black and Democrat and he has been President for the past eight years.
Hillary ran on a platform in which she had an in your face message
of inclusion for all. She toured with
the Mothers of Movement. She took on the
NRA. She vowed to protect women’s
rights, human rights, environmental rights, refugees, DREAMers, blacks, whites,
Hispanics, the disabled, veterans, Muslims, Jews, Christians, gays. lesbians. bisexuals, trans-gendered people, children and those who needed help, healthcare, housing
and jobs. She also promised to tax the
wealthy and ensure regulations and Obamacare would remain in tack.
This platform is a threat to white straight Christian male
power. We need to be honest about that.
After a serious review of the numbers from the election, my take
is that white men and women of all incomes and education levels voted for Trump
to protect both their power and privilege, despite or because of both the overt
and veiled misogynist, racist, xenophobic, homophobic, anti-Semitic, anti-environment
and anti-capitalist messages.
Those who buy into these messages have been emboldened in a way
that we have not seen in my lifetime.
There is no choice any more.
We must all be vigilant. All the time.
This is not easy. Regular
life goes on. The kids had their piano
recitals and their school winter concerts.
We saw the Troll Movie and Moana! Holliday parties at work for both Jocelyn
and I. Another Karate belt test. And
then it was time for the convergence of Chanukah and Christmas – just days
after the winter solstice.
We always have a theme in our Chanukah cards. This year it was the
story of the Maccabees. There are many
interpretations of what went down then.
I hold to the one in which a small band of rebels overthrow the fascist
empire that is requiring them to bow down to the Hellenistic gods. Much like the American revolutionaries, this
small band of young scrappy fighters (yes that is a Hamilton reference) defeat
the tyranny and dedicate the Temple with oil symbolizing freedom from tyranny. Miracle of miracle the little bit of oil
lasts for eight days (the time it takes to make more oil). This is a story of light overcoming
dark. These rebels called themselves
Maccabees which means hammer. They
resisted and remained vigilant in order to be victorious.
The kids had two weeks off of school. Jocelyn and I took the holiday
week off. We spent the week as a family
celebrating and being together. We began by celebrating the first night of
Chanukah on Christmas Eve with our family in Baltimore. And then for seven more
nights we shared this light (and vigilance) with our other family, out-of-town best
of friends, new neighbors, and regular Chanukah buddies. We even attended a pre Chanukah party with Chabad in
Maryland. We brought back a much smaller version of our long ago crazy Chanukah
parties on the Chanukah Shabbot – hopefully foreshadowing more such Chanukah
parties in the years to come. We hung
with the Jewish Multiracial Network and had playdates with friends from school. We Escaped the Oval Office! Completed lots of school homework. Went to Zoolights.
Did some more science experiments. Went
to playgrounds. Checked out the fancy new building on our corner. And even
experienced the Hirschhorn including Ragnar Kjartansson’s exhibit?!?!?! The
kids received way too many presents including Hatchimals that did actually
hatch. Played lots of dreidel and ate
way too many jelly donuts and gelt and s’mores made with gelt.
Finally, the end came. New Year’s Eve was the last night of
Chanukah. We celebrated by going bowling
and eating dinner at the old-school duck pin bowling alley in Silver
Spring. Then we came home to watch the
ball drop. And that was it. Stick a fork in it. It is done. 2016 that is.
We still have our New Year’s resolutions up from last year and
they all still apply. So I am going to change
the year to 2017 and add one additional resolution: Be Vigilant.
Years from now, we will all be judged by how we acted during this
time. Trump will be President. He is not the issue. We are.
We must remain vigilant in our actions, words, deeds and how we spend
our money. We must give to organizations
that will protect those who need protecting.
We must stand by those who need help in the street or at school or at
work. If we do not do it, no one will.
The world has proven to all of us over and over again that it will
fall to the deepest lows when given a chance.
In order to get to the highest highs we need to work extra hard. We must
take all incidents seriously whether they be fake news attacks on our pizza
place or handwritten anonymous notes left on driveways in progressive neighborhoods in Arlington. We must be vigilant.
We are giving money. We are
making calls. We are attending letter
writing parties. And yes, I have checked that all of our passports are up to date.
The thing is, for as long as I can remember, there has always been
the façade of the doublespeak two step. Evil
had to be hidden in the shadows. What is
different now is that none of that is necessary.
One can tweet the most horrible things and there is no shame or consequence. We will see where this leads. I urge everyone to look and listen, and to ultimately be vigilant.
One can tweet the most horrible things and there is no shame or consequence. We will see where this leads. I urge everyone to look and listen, and to ultimately be vigilant.
I hope and dream that this is a false alarm. Nothing would make me
happier. But for now, I remain vigilant.
#LifeDesiredVigilanceRequired
#HappyNewYear
#2017andVigilant
#BeVigilant
PS: Due to length of this post, the curated pictures from the past 6mos will appear shortly in a separate post...
PS: Due to length of this post, the curated pictures from the past 6mos will appear shortly in a separate post...
UPDATE- 11/12/2020 I added almost 200 photos from July 2016 through Jan 3 2017.
