kaleidoscoping chaos...: Believing In Bridges

(Note - I wrote this days ago but couldn't post it from vacay - so here it is now...)

It has been more than 6 months since we last checked-in and at that time I was talking about #LivingTheDream, visiting the White House, #LoveWins and #BlackLivesMatter.

And this week, I am sitting in the living room in a small beachfront apartment on the shores of the Caribbean Sea on the isle of Antigua in the West Indies with the breeze blowing through the open doors and the sounds of the waves crashing echoing the chatter of Fox new on the TV (don’t ask – we are with Jocelyn’s parents and her dad is addicted to Fox News…). The past six mos have flown by, the kids are huge, life is so different – my life and life in general – but also so much has stayed the same.

I have realized that believing in bridges is the way to go – from the Bay Bridge in Annapolis, MD to Devil’s Bridge on Antigua – bridges get us to the next place or bring us back to a place we once were and need to see again. Real bridges built from bricks, cement, iron, steel, and often suspended are critical infrastructures to our world. Emotional bridges that we methodically build with relationships, hope, and perseverance are the infrastructures to good mental health. And yes even, practical bridges, plans to get us from one stage to another, to help us close one door and open another, these are the infrastructures of our lives. I believe in the bridges that exist, the ones we create and the ones yet to be built!

Endings and Beginnings-the Bridge Between
I think I have been writing this post in my head since the summer, right after I posted the last time. Once July 4^th has come and gone, it is just a few weeks until the summer ends. July 4^th is sort of the summer bridge – linking the beginning, exciting, what are we going to do this summer feeling to the “man, we only have another 6 weeks left – what now?!?!” feeling. Post July 4^th our summer flew by at lightning speed resulting in huge changes for all of us!

Jocelyn began a new job in August. She moved from BigLaw to a much different, smaller and wonderful firm where she is doing work that she believes in and aligns with her core values. It was an amazing opportunity at the exact right time. We were so excited for this new adventure.

The kids finished their first real summer day camp experience and the last day of Camp Barrie, I took their picture – and I did not recognize them. Who were these kids – and where did my Jonah & Vera go? Their words, their movements, their struts – all different. They had crossed some sort of bridge. That bridge that takes little kids to the other side. The side where you ride a bus, chew gum, know every song on the radio, and also know there are things such as the “s” word (but not what that word is…)????

Then Jonah and Vera were off to Nana Camp and then before we knew it was “Back to School” only this year, my Jonah & Vera were beginning a new school. Big steps for my little crew…

I had to figure out new schedules, new extra-curricular activities, new drop off and pick up times, new geographic locations for new school… Add to this Jocelyn’s new job and I knew something had to bridge the gap for us. Since the kids were now going to a relatively new Washington DC public charter school (only in its 3^rd year), 3 miles in a different direction from my office and they had their own activities after school they wanted to do (karate 2x a week, baseball 1x a week), my plan was they would be at school from 8 to 3:30 and then do activities 3 or 4 times a week after school. This meant I needed at a minimum an afternoon babysitter. After researching, thinking, debating and analyzing the issues for way too long, Jocelyn and I decided we would try out an au pair. A practical bridge of sort – a way to get us into a new routine. Getting the kids to a real public school (albeit a charter) on time by 8 and me to my office by 8:30 and then getting them picked up at 3:30pm and to all those activities and me staying at my office until 5:30pm. A practical bridge with many emotional consequences. And so after much online dating and an initial misfire, we found Miss A. She would arrive one week after the kids started their new school.

Let’s talk a bit about the new school. It is this amazing place. The school, Sela, is a public charter school that is a Hebrew immersion/Israel studies/global citizen/STEM school that has at least 80% percent diverse student body. Hebrew is taught by Israelis. Classes are small. I know and love the principal. We knew the kids loved their old small Montessori school, but it was time to move on and we picked this school.

We bought the new uniforms (navy shirts and khaki pants), the new backpacks and lunch boxes, and the kids started school. And then the second week, Ms. A arrived from Jamaica. She moved into Jocelyn’s old office room (we transformed it of course) and we built this bridge together. All of us. And it was not easy. The first few weeks of a new school, new schedule, new au pair, and mama’s new job – all wrapped up together – it was HARD. But we made it through. All the way through to winter break. Now that I look back, I see the awesome bridge we built. They say it takes a village – and I believe that with my whole heart. I am grateful to my village all the time. But sometimes you need to also find the right people to help you build a bridge from closed doors to the doorsteps of those doors that have been blown wide open. Those bridges are vital to success. I believe in these bridges. I know I am lucky to be able to build them as so many others are not.

Beating the Bridge
In the meantime Jocelyn, Auntie Chris and I committed to run/walk the 10K Race Across the Bay Bridge race on November 8, 2015. It was Jocelyn’s idea and we all signed up to support her and each other to get back into exercising. We have all been struggling with it. During the transition to having Miss A take the kids to school in the morning, I began running in the morning again for about 30 minutes, while she got them ready for school – mainly because I could not take staying in the house because the kids were acting so crazy!!!! Nonetheless I started running again! (a constant battle for me is to keep exercising or running on a regular basis…) Christine got really into it and began a complete training schedule of walking. Jocelyn did not do much. And then all of a sudden it was post Rosh Hashannah and apple picking season, it was October! The weekend of October 18, we traveled up to New York across the George Washington Bridge for a family 5K race for the nonprofit board I sit on – the inaugural SToPP 5K in Battery Park. Less than a month to the big race, I figured it would be a practice run for us. It was an awesome day/night trip to NYC, but the race was sort of a disaster. The kids melted down and it was super cold out but in the end we had a great time. But it was not a training run,

Finally, we celebrated my 45^th birthday a night early on Sunday, Nov 1 with karaoke and a week later we were in Annapolis to Beat the Bridge. Jocelyn was a bit mad at Chris and me for insisting she do it. It was a gorgeous day. We left the kids with grandma and grandpa and put on our running gear. It was time to do this. And we did it. Despite being in stuck in traffic in the morning before the race, and then finagling ourselves on buses to return to our cars. All three of us beat the bridge in our own way. It was thoroughly gratifying and the truth is – everything looks different from a bridge. You can do anything when you are standing on a bridge with your future ahead of you. Leaving one thing and moving to another. You can do it. And we did.

Not Allowed on a Bridge
As my little crew has been fumbling along building bridges, finding bridges, crossing bridges and beating bridges, it is hard to not notice how so many around us are left with nowhere to go. Their draw bridges have been lifted and they are left standing on the other side, left in desperation.

What about those who have been killed by the police or in police custody and the recent decisions not to indict those responsible for these deaths of American citizens who happen to be people of color. Their names are Tamir Rice, Michael Brown, Eric Garner, Freddie Gray, Sandra Bland – and so many others (see here). We cannot allow this to happen. We must stand up for each other. Where was Tamir’s bridge? He didn’t get one. That is unacceptable. #BlackLivesMatter #SayTheirNames #BuildBridges

What about the millions of Syrians who are risking their lives to get on boats and risk everything to get somewhere - anywhere - where often they will ultimately end up in detention and refugee camps. They do not have any bridges because their bridges have been blown up. It is up to us to build the bridges for them. Anne Frank was a refugee and all the others who the US refused back then out of fear. They are standing on this yet to be built bridge and screaming at us. #RefugeesWelcome #WeSaidNeverAgain #BuildBridges

What about the kids in schools, people in movie theatres, victims of domestic violence attacks and others going about their day when someone decides to shoot and kill them with their gun in this country of ours because million dollar lobbyists have spent millions of dollars to protect the gun manufacturers. (As well as the way too many to count gun accidents each year in homes between family members – often children- because guns are not secured). The incidents are often blamed on mental health issues, crimes of passion or other similar issues – when really we need better gun laws, real background checks, and safety technology on guns. Those same lobbyists hide behind the second amendment, without even understanding what it means. #StopTheViolencee #NotOneMore #BuildBridges

What about the people at the French concert hall, the Americans at their work holiday party, the students at Garissa University in Kenya, the mourners at the funeral in Baghdad, the victims from the fires in Beirut, the families blown up or stabbed in Israel, and all the others hurt or killed from extremists and terrorists throughout the world. We must do better. How will we explain all of this to our kids. What will history say about us if we cannot figure this out. The terrorists must not win. But we must not lose our souls in beating them. There must be a way to bridge this gap. Our future, our legacy depends on it. #WeAreAllMuslims #PrayersForParis #PrayersForBeirut #PrayersForKenya #PrayersForIraq #ParyersForIsrael #PrayersFor… #BuildBridges

Finding Devil’s Bridge

And that my friends brings us to Devil’s Bridge. As I said, I write this post while we are on a family vacation in Antigua. We spent most of the time here hanging out in our two apartments on the beach, frolicking in the sea, and visiting with local family on the island. The kids were in ecstasy hanging out with their three cousins (Jocelyn’s brother’s kids) – these grandkids were 5 kids from the age of 16 mos to 6 – they had a blast. In the last few days, my father-in-law, the retired Episcopalian priest insisted on taking us to see some of the sites. In particular, he wanted us to see Devil’s Bridge. On Jocelyn’s brothers last day, we took a drive around the island to a number of specific sites: Jolly Beach Resort, coconut water stand, Nelson’s Dock, and sunset at Shirley Heights – but we did not get to Devil’s Bridge. Then on our second to last day, I decided to take the kids to Stingray City to swim with the Sting Rays and my father-in-law drove us there First we stopped at Devil’s Bridge.

Let me tell you about the Stingray adventure first. It was like most of our other kaleidoscope adventures refracted. We got there very early and ran around to see the birds and iguana on display and had ice cream. Then the vans with the people from the cruise ships arrived and they loaded us on boats to take us to the floating platforms by the protected reef. All was good, all three of us were very excited! The boat ride was super-fast and the kids loved it. When we got to the platform Vera decided, it was not gonna happen for her. She was freaked by how big they were. Jonah and I went in and he could not really stand so I held him. He was terrified but he did it. He held the ray with me. I fed the ray with him on my hip and we were surrounded by them. We tried to get Vera to come with us (as did the guides) but she would not budge. Then the guide brought one right over to the edge for her and I petted it but she wouldn’t. By then Jonah was freezing so we got into the boat to dry off and wait but there was a huge rainstorm. That is when both of them kinda lost it. They were wet, cold, and exhausted. I put the towels over their heads and snuggled them up. All we could do was wait. And we did. Finally the boat returned to the dock and grandma and grandpa were waiting for us. The sun was shining and there was a big party. Vera and Jonah were thrilled to drink the fancy punch, buy tshirts. Key rings and stuffed stingrays and report on the entire adventure to grandma and grandpa. Already a memory, the adventure as recounted was a huge success – I wonder where they get their story telling skills from…

But before the main adventure, grandpa took us to Devil’s Bridge.

Devil’s Bridge, located outside the village of Willikies, offers a stunning glimpse into Antigua’s natural formation. Composed of limestone rock, the rugged terrain of Devil’s Bridge is the result of millions of years of ancient reef formation. For hundreds of thousands of years, the Atlantic’s waves have crashed into the east coast of Antigua creating a natural arch, or bridge. Numerous geysers and blowholes surround the arch as waves continually break against the coastal rocks.

You get to Devil’s Bridge by driving on a dirt road until you reach a place that seems like the edge of the world (or maybe it is the end of the world). We got there and got out. It is loud, wet, rocky, and a bit scary. But it was right before we got out of the car that the profound moments happened. Jonah asked, what is the Devil? He is bad right? Is he real? Do we believe in him? (This remember is during a time we are celebrating Christmas with our family even though we are Jewish and he tells everyone we don’t celebrate Christmas we are Jewish but we help our cousins… he also knows Santa is not real and we have just started talking about how Jesus was a Jew and Christmas is when Jesus was born and some people believe he was the son of God. He also does a lot of thinking about God… in Torah School and how God is not a person but all the things good and is everywhere and things like that… he has a lot going on with all of this…)

No worries though, Grandpa (the Priest) saves the day. He explains to Jonah, that the Devil is the opposite of God. God stands for what is good and the devil represents evil. Jonah thinks about it and it is not clear he is convinced. Vera chimes in about God, he is everywhere, in the trees, in our hearts, GG is with God, in the rainbows, right??? Jonah is still thinking. And he asks me, did the Devil make this bridge here? How did he do that? And then I say to them both, no. This is a natural bridge. The water built this bridge out of the rocks. The water which doesn’t seem tough or strong like the rocks – over years and years, the water carved this amazing bridge and is has been here for a really long time. The water crashes through, over, under and explodes onto the rocks and this is a bridge that we can only look at but not cross over. The water, the same sea that we have been swimming in at our little calm beach, that same water can do this to the rocks. And we walked to see it and it feels angry on Devil’s Bridge. I think they got it.

Bridges, they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and forms. It is up to us to find them, build them, cross them, and use them to our advantage.

Building Bridges
Over these past 6mos, we have bridged many gaps and begun to build new bridges of all kinds. From beginning a new job and a new school, to spending Christmas in Antigua – each moment has taken us to a new place.

As we close out 2015, I like to think that we can all build some bridges that get us to a better and brighter place. If we do so together, we will be that much better. I mean all those New Year’s resolutions are just personal bridges to make ourselves better. This year as we make our way back home in the moments before the clock strikes midnight, I will be committing to the bridges I want to help build so we all can have a better tomorrow. How about you?

#LessHashtagsMoreAction #LightTheDarknessWithLove

Happy New Year!

Finally, here are a few special moments listed (with a whole set of way too many pictures to follow)

Jersey Shore with Buddies 7/2015*Jonah lost his first tooth 7/4/2015*July 4^th evening at home 7/2015*Frederick Keyes Baseball Game with Synagogue 7/2015*Blackberry Picking 7/2015*Peter Pan Show 8/2015*Arlington County Fair 8/2015*Nana Camp 8/2015*Upshur Pool – all Summer!*Labor Day Weekend with Celeste*Capell Cousins Portraits 8/2015*Building Museum Beach 8/2015*First Day of School 8/24/2015*Rosh Hashannah 5776*Madonna Concert 9/2015*Sukkot 5776*Vera goes to the ER 9/2015*Mommy and Jonah go Running 9/20015*Renaissance Festival 9/2015*Apple Picking 9/2015*Fall 2015 Little League – The Presidents*Columbus Day 2015 – Boating with Grandpa*Pumpkin Picking Annapolis 10/2015*SToPP Walk/Run NYC 10/15*Mommy’s New Orleans Work Trip 9/2015*Mommy’s Boston Work Trip 10/2015*Halloween and Boo at the Zoo 10/2015*Karate Belt Tests 11/2015*Mommy Karaoke Birthday 11/2015*10K Race Across the Bay 11/2015*Thanksgiving In Baltimore 11/2015*Thanksgiving in South Riding 11/2015*Picture with Hillary Clinton 11/2015*Bramble Cousin Portraits 11/2015*The White House West Wing Tour 12/2015*Chanukah 12/2015*Antigua Christmas Vacation 12/2015*ZooLights2015