"Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be..."
So there was that funeral last week... the one for my grandmother, or GG as we most recently called her.
This is what I wrote about her on Facebook:
Today my grandma passed away - in her own home surrounded by my parents. She was a wonderful woman. She loved sparkly things more than anything, but the truth is she was one of the most sparkliest women I have ever known. She was my best friend. She looked great in leopard print and loved wearing it. She could spell any word! She taught me how to type, took me to see the Rockettes throughout my childhood, and when I told her I was going to marry Jocelyn, she paused, then gushed over the ring and said,"so they are doing that now, huh."
I know I am the luckiest girl in the world to have spent my life with her and I will never forget it. I am so grateful that she knew Jonah & Vera and loved them so much. I am just as grateful that they know her and love her so much - I hope they will remember her for always.
Beulah Madeline Kaplan, aka GG, you will be so missed. We will always love and remember you. I hope you are happy and at peace now - hopefully sharing a little shot blackberry brandy (and maybe some Entemans pound cake) with Morris - you both deserve it.
You will be my dearest darling Grandma for always.
I also spoke at her funeral and said many things about what is was like to be so lucky to grow up with my grandma - the things we did together, the places we went, the things she taught me about life and love. I spoke about how imperfect she was - and how that illustrated to me what real love was about. I explained how for the past six years she had experienced Alzheimer's and slowly lost her memory. In the end, it was probably a blood cancer to which she lost life's battle - and that battle she had been fighting for almost year. This mindful thing I am doing now, it teaches that everything is impermanent - everything. And even though I knew we were going to have to say goodbye to GG very soon - what I didn't expect was how much it was going to affect me - in both happy and sad ways.
First off, I am not sure my mom and dad will ever know how amazing they have been for the past six years. They took it upon themselves to take care of GG, 24 hours a day and seven days a week for the past six years. It's funny how things happened, but just about six years ago my parents went to Florida to stay with GG because it was clear she could not be alone. They came back in the beginning of March for my wedding and brought GG with them. From then on, it was always Nana, Pop Pop and GG... just like that - that is true love and pure amazingness.
In the past six years: I got married; became partner at a big law firm; worked on Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign; battled infertility; gave birth to our son, Jonah; became a stay at home mom, moved to Chicagoland for six months; was diagnosed and cured of cancer; contracted the MRSA infection; adopted our daughter, Vera, bought a new house with Jocelyn, experienced the collapse of Jocelyn's law firm; and a multitude of other blessing and challenges. GG was there for all of these things. She was there because my parents protected, nurtured and cared for her - despite how hard, inconvenient and frustrating it might have been - THANK YOU MOM AND DAD.
Jocelyn and I told Jonah & Vera that we were going with our family to Florida because GG was gone - as in never coming back. We explained that sometimes when people get old it is time for them to go away and we can not see them any more. We have a saying in our family that when we are apart from each other for however long, we are always in each other's hearts - Jonah & Vera get this. So, we talked about how GG would always be in our hearts even if we can not see her anymore. Jonah got really sad for a bit and Vera kept saying GG, over and over again.
Jonah & Vera were very excited about all the time they were going to spend with their cousins and the fact that they were going to go swimming! Jonah even told his teachers at school he was going on "vacation" - if only we could all think like a 3 year old.
We went to Florida last Thursday. My brother and his whole family and my family went together (that would be four adults and five kids on the plane together). Our flight was delayed almost 4 hours... but the kids were awesome! My kids were in utopia to be with their cousins - it was all quite precious.
We mad it to Florida and the hotel. On Friday morning, we all gathered at GG's apartment to proceed to the chapel. And right from the beginning, it was clear, the day was all about celebrating GG saying good bye to her, but also remembering how lucky we were to have spent so much time with her and recognizing how a new generation has taken root in our family - one that knows her deeply and will live on to embody and carry on all that was good and wonderful about her (among other things her wonder, her appetite for things big and small and tasty, and her joy in the sparkly and fantastic that life has to offer).
Jonah started to throw a temper tantrum as we were all getting into the cars to go. He wanted to go in the limo... he thought the limo was super awesome... GG would have thought so too... so Jonah went with Nana, Pop Pop and some others in the limo...
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
At the chapel, the kids were perfect. That is a lot for me to say about my kids - I don't say that often (ever?) but they were. It was a long service because my dad and I spoke - and we spoke way too long... but that is how it goes. Jonah sat coloring with with his cousin for the whole time. Vera was coloring and doing stickers for most of the time and Jocelyn took her out for a few times when she made noise and she eventually fell asleep. I know Jonah heard all of what was said - I looked at him and he at me a few times when I was speaking. I had tears in my eyes and began to cry a few times - he was coloring and smiling because he had new crayons, stickers and a fancy new coloring book...
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
We left the chapel and went to the cemetery. Again he rode in the limo. I know it helped my dad and mom for him to be with them. He knew he was supposed to be with them.
The time at the cemetery was short. The kids liked being outside. Jonah and I sprinkled dirt from Israel on my grandmother - he didn't know what we were doing but wanted to touch the dirt. Then it was done. Time to eat.
We returned to GG's apartment and spent the rest of the day hanging out and eating with family and friends. We watched a video my mom and brother made of pictures of GG - it was wonderful. Again the cousins were so happy to be together - kids aged 22 months to 11 years - all happy together. Vera kept making calls on a play phone... she would pick up the phone and say, "Hello, GG, it's Vera, How are u? ok Bye bye." Out of the mouths of babes I tell you... A few times Pop took the kids for walks. Throughout the whole day we could hear all of these great grandchildren laughing, talking, playing and being themselves...
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
On Saturday we all got up and met at the little restaurant in the retirement community that my grandma loved to go to. She also loved breakfast. We sat a a big round table, all 11 of us and had breakfast - in honor and tribute to GG. The waitress who knows my parents and GG came over and asked, "Where is GG?" We told her what had happened, but the truth is - GG was there with us that morning - I could feel her spirit have one last cup of coffee before she said good bye. I knew when she squeezed just a little extra ketchup on her plate to smoother her french fries. She was there at that table. I ate the same breakfast she always did - eggs over easy, decaf coffee and french fries. Then at some point the kids (mainly my kids) were done eating and sitting and needed to run... we moved our party outside...
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
We hung out outside for a bit and kids ran, laughed, and played. We watched them and took in the sunshine and the scenery. It was peaceful. I tried to "be" in the moment and to follow the lead of the kids - they seemed to know exactly what to do...
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
We went back to GG's house and it was time to go swimming! It wasn't that hot out - about 75 degrees...but my kids wanted to go swimming so we were going to go... In the end, all of us went swimming except Jocelyn. Jocelyn was on camera and towel duty. She was also sort of the life guard keeping watch at the pool (when she wasn't napping on the lounge chair...) She just couldn't go in the water - she was buried under blankets and a sweatshirt - she is from the Caribbean... but she also is just like GG. GG was always "cold" and always wore a sweater even when it was hot out... as Jocelyn said while under all the towels and covered up on that lounge chair in the sun... she was just comfortable - that is what GG used to say!
The rest if us jumped into the pool. It was fantastic. Five grandkids and Nana and Pop swimming the pool. This is the pool I grew up swimming in - every vacation from school I had we went to Florida and we spent all those times - my brother and I - swimming in that pool - often with our cousins. We made too much noise. We ran when we were supposed to walk. We splashed and jumped when we were not supposed to - and we LAUGHED! It was our grandparents pool and it was the best! Fast forward a generation later, and here we were Jonah & Vera and their cousins doing exactly the same the same thing! We even finished the day off with a game of Marco Polo - just as we did so many years ago.
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
The greatest tribute to my grandma and grandfather was the time we spent in that pool on Ground Hog's Day 2013 with their five great grandchildren. My Poppy never met them but I am so grateful that GG did. I know she is telling him all about them now. In Jonah & Vera and their cousins I see so much of both Grandma and Poppy and it makes me smile - the good and the bad stuff - it is there despite generations, genetics and even non-biological attachments - that stuff is there in those kids and it is fantastic.
Thank you Grandma and Poppy (and mom and dad for helping it to happen) for being one of the greatest forces in my life - one of my Greatest Loves. I hope and pray Jonah & Vera (and their cousins) get to say that one day about Nana and Pop and their other grandparents - it is a gift and worth everything in the world.
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
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